The wife filled for divorce during early...

Asked by salome on 29-06-2016 11:53:43
Question posted in the Divorce Law category relating to Gauteng
Question value: R 0.00

The wife filled for divorce during early 2014. They had a signed settlement in place and the divorce was placed onroll for April 2014. 1 Day before this day she informed us she is no longer satisfied with the settlement and she cancelled the Court Date.
She have been staying in a 3 bedroom Wooden house in the back of Daniel's parents yard with the 3 minor children, Daniel moved out before the Divorce was Filled.


Due to the setup of the 2 homes on 1 yard it is understandable they have to share 1 driveway and this along with the divorce proceeding had a inpact on the setup. The wife did not adhere to normal
request such as do not speed in the driveway, no load music/parties ext. These requests was made to her on several occasions by mouth as well as by email and also by Attorney letter.
To the extend that my parents feld she is disrupting them and other tenants on the yard and they started with an eviction process.
During the 2 months we had a signed settlement I adhered to the agreements made and paid her the agreed amount. She did not contribute her parts as agreed by paying the rent and this was also
part of the reason my parents started the eviction process. They are both pensioners and also use this money to pay for their bond.

My wife then moved out of the home (during may 2014) with the 3 children to her brother. She was employed before and during our mariage she become self employed as a Caterer with a registered Business.

The children informed me that they are moving to Polokwane with their mom and they were excited as they was told the will have pony's and animals. I asked their mom about this statements and she confirmed this without my prior
knowledge. After that weekend I seeked legal advice and I obtained a High Court Order that she is not allowed to leave Pretoria with the minor Children till after the divorce is finalised.
During this time our issues with the children started as they was informed that my parents evicted them from the house and that I am the reason they are not allowed to move to Polokwane anymore.
The children did not want to come visit me and during this time and for a long period after this I struggled to get assistance from their mom allowing me to get the children and spend time with them.
I seeked Consultation from CMR and Famsa in Pretoria. The children went for an assesment with CMR and the short version is that the children wanted to spend time with me even if they are scared of me because of
the violant mariage I had with their mother. I appologised to them and their mom for my previous actions during the divorce and that I would love to make them realise and see I am Happy now and not that person anymore.

CMR reffered us to Famsa for consultations and was once again instructed as parents to get the divorce finalised in order for the children to start with a healing process and accept our actions as their parents.
Their mom did not make coming to our appointments easy as I had to fit the appointments into my work schedule as well as not keeping the children out of school as she requested but I commited to this and tried my best.

During December 2015 I could not get the children to finalise our appointment with Famsa. CMR did not provide assistance and we had to wait till January 2016 as we felt this time of the year no one really wants to help us.
In January 2016 our youngest of 7 years old came to visit during a weekend and then I was informed that they already moved to Naboomspruit and they are no longer living in Pretoria since December 2015 and they
are going to school in Naboomspruit. She seemed very happy and excited about this. I know I could have went to the police with the High Court Order but because their mom was pregnant at this time and due to deliver the baby
during February 2016 I rather tried to push her for a settlement to finalise the divorce in order for her to move on. She declined this and told me that she is happy now and that she have cancelled the filled divorce and that I may now
file for a divorce if I want to divorce her.

Since 2015 I no longer can afford legal assistance as I have a huge account to settle with the attorney I had because of the prior disagreements about the children and agreements and the home and her behaviour.
I told her that I cannot afford legal aid and I really would like to finalise the divorce and do what is best for the children, they seem to be happy.

Besides the fact that I then realise she enrolled the children at new schools and she provided my details as the responsible person for the account and signed on my behalf - she also never taken a medical aid for them. My lady friend added our
3 children and myself on her medical aid but when their mom filled for maintenance order she suggested that she will add to them a medical aid and I have to pay her they money. This has never been done. In April 2016 we was at the maintenance court
and I informed the court that according to the maintenance order we have on record she is not adhering to this order and not paying the specified expenses like school fees and medical aid. I have all the proof that I have paid my monthly contributions for the children every month but still she is behaving badly and declare false information that I am responsible for school fees I have never even visited. Her attorney was present and suggested that she will take full responsibility for paying school fees ext and the maintenance order
was changed from paying specified bills like school and medical aid to a full amount of maintenance only to be paid to the mom.

Our youngest daughter of 8 years old (now) is not healthy. She is very obese and do struggle with selfesteem. They are currently visiting me for the Holidays. On Saturday I was told that their mom is coming to fetch her because she needs to see a Doctor.
After her visit to the doctor she told me that her mom will send me a voice recording about what the doctor said. Till today I have not received such recording or feedback from their mom about this appointment. My daughter said that she is very stressed for her age and
that one of her stresses is because she has moved away from her Grandma. Now she told me that the Doctor suggested her Grandma to go live with her for 6 months and if she is doing better then they will discuss a plan.
Now I really want to support my children and would love my daughter not to be stressed but I really do not understand this. After I went to Family Advocate, CMR , Famsa and even the own mother of this child can they not see that moving away was not in the best intrest of the child? How can they not realise that because the mom said our 3 daughters does not "like" the Father of her 4th child, she cannot allow him in their lives- How is that normal for another child then to grow up without his father because my children dont want to see him?

Is it not better for children to see a normal happy man and woman together and trying their best to raise children they love?


I really need advice on what I can do now to get the divorce finalised. As I understood the divorce actions was cancelled at court and therefor I will have to start a new Divorce. What must I do to ensure the 3 daughters are allright as I as their Father does not feel
their mom is acting in their best interest. What can I do to get the divorce finalised. We have tried round table meetings and this does not work as this woman only wants money - Money I do not have as I am currently struggling financially. I do not have money to offer to her
to make her sign a settlement. She just want more money that I cannot provide. She is currently employed, reason why she said she have to move to Naboomspruit. She appealed the High Court Order during April 2016 and the Court Order was amended.
Making her primary care giver but it also stipulates the children should come visit me every 2nd weekend and school holidays - I cannot afford to drive to Naboomspruit every 2nd weekend to fetch them and take them back.

Please help us.

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