Question posted in the Divorce Law category relating to KwaZulu-Natal
26th September, 2020.
I am after 37 years of marriage considering divorce.
My husband’s behaviour has been on a steady decline over many years. 2006 was his first relationship violation sexting 3 different women. Being from a religious background, which he is not, naively I always gave him the benefit of the doubt, hoping and praying that things would get better but in fact, they have just got worse. Amongst other things, he was involved with porn for about 3 years (2013 – 2016) and has just become this completely disrespectful, devoid of empathy, self-centred person. Although highly intelligent, he has never been a model citizen although always very good at concealing it.
In 2003 when all the white middle management guys were moved out of their jobs to make way for black employees, he was totally devastated having no resilience to the situation at all. So, trying to help him (so that he would have a job, basically somewhere to go every day without which he is completely lost) I found a good franchise that we still have today, which has become very successful. While I do not go there every day – I was threatened with my marriage “there will be a split” were the exact words he used. I was completely shell-shocked…2010…and basically had a hard time believing it so tried hard to forget it. But also stopped going to the business with any regularity.
I am a 50% partner who basically provided collateral for purchase of the bigger assets and managed part of the financial side of things, for example, to get loans repaid. This is no easy task when the other partner does not really want to repay – if fact, he has made me “pay” relationally for this.
However, with all the relationship violations, and looking back over the years at the way he conducts himself, the way he has used and abused me and his bad relationship with money, narcissism is rampant. They are well known for trying to impoverish their partners, and this is the situation I find myself in.
Help!! I feel sure these are not small amounts we are talking about … I need a divorce lawyer with really good financial/business skills/connections to be able to go back and trace where the monies have gone. On two different random occasions when I have done cash checks, I have found the cash to be in excess of R1500 short. No explanation was offered. He just ignored me when questioned. Recently I found R20 000 underneath the seat of his bakkie. It was not signed out in the Cash-Up sheet. If one brought it home for safekeeping, which he never does, why did he not bring it inside?
I am willing to work covertly in the business office every day to assist wherever I can.
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