Good day,

I am having an affair with a colleague. The affair has been going on for almost a year now. I have tried to end it numerous times, but this person is very manipulative. I then went and slept with someone else knowing he would find out and hopefully want to call it quits. He found out and was infuriated. I then told him to take his things from me and go back to his wife and fix his marriage as he wants to get a divorce to be with me, which I do not want and have told him numerous times.

He is now threatening to go to our boss, the father of my child and my family to get me fired and in his word 'ruin my life' if I do not fix things with him and continue with the relationship.

Is there anything I can do regarding these threats?

There is evidence of our affair as well as nude pictures.

Hi there and thank you for your question,

I am a practicing attorney based in South Africa and I will assist you with your question. Please feel free to ask as many follow up questions in order to clarify your question. If you have a new question, you must please open a new thread.

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Do you mind if I take a moment to review your question - I will come back to you shortly!

Honestly, I think that you should go to your boss first and explain your situation to your boss in order to get ahead of this issue. The person you've been having an affair with (let me refer to him as Bob) sounds incredibly manipulative, and you should watch out for him.

Given that you've previously tried to end this affair with Bob, and he has basically refused, and manipulated you into continuing the affair, and now that he is threatening you with this and that, it sounds like sexual harassment in the workplace. 

You need to report this unwelcomed sexual harassment in the workplace to your employer (your Boss) and you need to ask your employer to intervene and assist you in escaping the unwelcomed sexual harassment.

Spend an hour or so Googling and reading up about unwelcomed sexual harassment in the workplace and how damaging this can be and what to do.

Honestly, I think that at the moment you feel that you are simply half of the affair, but it sounds to be as if you are the victim in an on-going and unwelcomed sexual harassment incident and that you need assistance. 

I think that the reality of the situation is that it will come out eventually, and your Boss will find out, and so will your family, so you need to deal with the situation.

In relation to the threats, you could go to court to get an interdict court order to stop Bob from telling anyone about the affair, but honestly, Bob could ignore the court order and just tell people. What will you do then? Apply to court again in an attempt to hold Bob for contempt of court? That won't work ... so court isn't really a practical solution for you. 

You could also actually hold Bob liable for any lost earnings if you are dismissed from your job if you are dismissed as a result of Bob telling your Boss about your affair. But again, this will require a court case to hold Bob liable, so this isn't really a practical solution for you either. 

https://www.lrs.org.za/2021/11/24/how-to-deal-with-sexual-harassment-in-the-workplace/

https://www.labourguide.co.za/general/600-code-of-good-practice-on-sexual-harassment113

http://wlce.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Sexual-Harassment-at-Work-Booklet.pdf