I was with my ex boyfriend, for 14yrs. W...

Asked by Delicia on 12-08-2023 09:11:35
Question posted in the Family Law category relating to Western Cape

I was with my ex boyfriend, for 14yrs. We have 2 daughters together aged 11 and 9.We lived together for about 10yrs, in this time I was always the only one working. If ever he worked, he never kept a job. After years of emotional, physical, verbal, mental and financial abuse from him, I decided it was not worth it staying in this toxic relationship just for the sake of the children. This environment was also toxic to them because he would swear at me and mistreat me in front of my girls. So I plucked up my courage and left him. 

I moved back home to live with my parents and my 18yr old son( he's dad passed away). Our girls lived with me. But this year because I started studying whilst I'm working, we decided it best that the kids lived with him. The girls love their dad and he is a good father to them, as he does things with them which I don't always have the time for, like taking them for rides on their bikes; going to the library; going to the park and taking them to the public swimming pool. Because of my work and study commitments I unfortunately don't always have the time to do all those things with my babies. I still send money for their groceries every month, I still pay for their scholar transport; I clothe them and basically take care of EVERYTHING my girls need. But every month during the month he will call me and manipulate me into sending more money because the children have no food. I even borrow money so that my children can eat! I'm in so much debt that I use my whole salary to pay debt and just have to borrow again! It's a continuous cycle! He doesn't even make an effort to find a job! He is 39yrs old and very capable of working.

He swears at me and threatens me almost on a daily basis. Even threatens to come to my place of work and cause a scene, which he had done before at my previous place of work! The harassment is all day every day! Each time I block his number he gets a new sim card..

 I recently got into a new relationship, and one day my ex was pushing my buttons and I ended up telling him I met someone and only gave him a first name. All hell broke lose!! He went onto Facebook and searched for my current boyfriend by going into every profile with that first name and seeing if I'm on the person's friend list! He found him. Now he has gone further by getting my boyfriend's contact number from his Facebook profile!!! He is psychotic!! He is going out of his way to make sure I remain miserable! I haven't seeked any form of assistance because I don't want my children to get caught up in the middle of a messy battle. I have an 18yr old son who is currently in matric, he has been living with my parents since he was a toddler. My children can't even phone each other, because my ex used to harass my son so I changed my son's phone number and never gave his own sisters his number, just so that their father could stop harassing their brother over the phone!

He doesn't support our children financially I am struggling on my own and clearly I'm supporting him too because he doesn't work. He is constantly threatening my life too and now that he has my boyfriend's number I know he will hound him too on WhatsApp like he does with me. Actually yesterday he started sending my current boyfriend voice notes on WhatsApp!!!

I desperately need help to force him to share in the responsibilities with our children, and to get him to stop harassing me and stop interfering in my life and making threats on my life.

I dealt with this abuse for way too long. I'm tired. I need a break. Please help me.

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