Could you please be so kind as to help me with some urgent advice? I am at my wits end and living in a very depressive situation and need some proper advice. I do not have money to pay expensive lawyers as I am a “retired” +- 68 year old white male and do not receive a pension. I have to find means to survive.

My problem is as follows:

I met a lady whom, I thought at the time, was a very lovely kind person and after we started dating for a very short time (about 2 or 3 months) she asked me to marry her. She is a bit less than ten (10) years younger than me. I was very taken by surprise by this and, as I had been divorced from my first wife for around 34 years and was very weiry and afraid to commit to another marriage, I told her that I would have to give it some thought and I then said “ok” but, if I do decide to marry again, it would have to be under an ante nuptial contract and that I don’t want to go through another divorce. The one I had gone through was very traumatic and very hard for me.  She immediately said that she agreed with this and added “with no accrual system” (which I had not yet heard of before). This helped set my mind on feeling more relaxed and I said then I would be willing to take the chance again after being on my own for such a long time. She seemed very pleased with this and, as she knew a lot of people, including Lawyers and Pastors, and she would organize everything and I must just “leave it all up to her”. After discussing things for a while, we decided that she wanted to get married on Valentines ‘day and I agreed.

On the 14th of February, she had the wedding organized and a pastor to carry out the ceremony at the house. So, as far as I was concerned, she did what she said she would do. I did not know that the anti nuptial contract had to be drawn up by a notary and registered etc. At no stage had I ever heard of this having to be done. I know they say ignorance of the law is not an excuse but, I assumed that whatever I was signing on the day of our wedding, that it was included as we had discussed. I had never dealt with anything like this even, with my ex wife when we got married but, we did have an ante nuptial contract in place because, when we got divorced, it was brought up. How it was done, I don’t know.

For a while things between us went quite well. She knew a lot about admin and she just took charge of everything including all my bank account and cards and account payments etc. At first, I felt she was a blessing and I trusted her entirely with everything. She can be very sweet and convincing. Then she became very “bossy” with everything towards me, things just seemed to deteriate and go from bad to worse over the years and now it has become unbearable. It is just too much to explain all the details at this stage.  She has, over a number of years threatened me that she is going to divorce me and force me to sell everything I have and she is going to take half. Then, almost two (2) years ago, on Christmas night, 2017 about 9pm or so, she had been drinking a lot of wine and got quite drunk. (We had been married for about eight (8) years then) I had a bottle of brandy in the cupboard but, did not really feel like drinking that night.  Before I could understand what was happening, she started shouting at me and calling me all sorts of nasty things and told me “you are going to sell this farm my boy and, I’m taking half. We don’t have a registered anti nuptial contract. I did not register it because, your sister told me not to trust you and you are going to “screw” me over like you did with her.” This really shocked me and caught me totally off guard. I got sick to my stomach and switched on the camera to record her and told her to repeat what she had just told me. When she saw that I had the camera on, she refused to say anything. When I switched the camera off, she continued shouting abuse at me. That is when I lost my control and took the bottle of brandy out and started to drink. I was so angry and told her I wanted to see what she was telling me and asked her for our marriage certificate and I wanted to see my will etc. Then it came out that she had been to see some lawyer and the lady working for him had checked on the registry and found that it had not been registered. She told me that she had left our marriage certificate etc. at the lawyer and he is keeping it. Things got out of hand that night. The next day I went and searched for copies of my will on the computer and, what I found, made me very angry.  Once again, I found that she had betrayed my trust. A while ago, she came to me with a will and told me I had to sign it because she needed it for something to do with the Municipality or the property I owned. Because I trusted her, I did not read what she had written in my will that she wanted me to sign and I just signed it. That’s how “trusting” I was of her. When I read it, it made me angry all over again. She had put herself as the “soul” beneficiary of my estate, and when she eventually died, whatever was left, would be shared between my son and her daughter. In other words, my son would not get a cent when I die. Only “if” there was something left when she died then my son would get “something”. This is outrageous, it is totally wrong and unfair.

I did a lot of research on the internet with regard to this issue and I came across a few examples of how untrue it was that the anti nuptial contract was not valid if it was not registered. But, just between the two, a verbal anti nuptial agreement was acceptable in law. About a year ago, I went with her to speak to one of the lawyers that she had spoken to and, in front of him, she said that she had “forgotten” to register our contract and she was willing to get it done as it should have been done as she had promised at the time. The lawyer said he could get it done but, a while after this, she told me that she had changed her mind and was not going to get it done any more.

I have lost all trust in her and cannot see a way in which my trust can be restored at all. I have come to the point that it seems to me that there is no way of avoiding a divorce under these circumstances. I have also come to the conclusion that she thought, at the time, that I was very well off and that this was a way for her to get a good “payday” when she divorces me. The one business I kept going and the two houses had to be sold at a loss and all the money has been spent because she is always wanting and spending money. I’ve had to sell so many of my possessions to “get” money all the time.

I’m at my wits end and don’t know how to go about resolving my problem here. This is busy turning into a very ugly situation which I am trying very hard to avoid. There is a lot going on all the time and I have been trying to keep some sort of records for when and if I need it. I am not going to divulge everything here as it is a very long story with many details and I don’t wish to waste your valuable time.