Good day,If I am not mistaken, sometime ...

Asked by AnonUser on 04-11-2021 07:27:02
Question posted in the Family Law category relating to Gauteng

Good day,

If I am not mistaken, sometime in early 2020, with a female friend of mine present we asked her cousin if he would be my sperm donor as I wanted a child. I had asked another candidate before but he pulled out at the last minute. He agreed on the spot (to my surprise). Not wanting to get my hopes up to have them shattered I played it cool. To my surprise as the months followed he kept asking if I was serious I said yes. We then had a series of discussions about it over the course of 2020. We spoke about the terms which were, we would inseminate artificially at my home, with the assistance of his cousin (and my friend), he would give me two pregnancies, he would just be a donor and he was clear that he wanted nothing to do with the children especially financially. He was not interested in being a dad, he never saw himself as one, and that he was not in a state to contribute financially. I agreed because I wanted to have full custody of the children. We continued talking and at a different sitting he then expressed that he would now like to be just known to the children as "uncle". This sudden change came from him expressing that since he never had a relationship with his dad and he would at least want the child/children to be aware of his existence but not as his father but as an " uncle". I assured him that since his cousin was my friend, he would always see the child/children whenever I was around her. Both parties agreed. We had multiple other chats on this to reassure him and put him at ease about the nature of the agreement. In 2021 we decided to make it the year that we would try for the first baby. Unfortunately, he got ill a few times this year and I said to him lets wait until he got medically better to be able to go through with the donation. We postponed I think two times and around June 2021 he texted me that fathers day triggered his sense of wanting to proceed with the insemination. We agreed that we would try at my next ovulation date, which was 2 and 3rd July. We inseminated on both days and when I was due for my next period I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I told him the news and thanked him for the pregnancy.A week or so later, my donor now flipped the script and told me that he wants to now father the child, I was shocked as this was not part of our arrangement. I told him to give me time to think about it as it was a huge adjustment for me. Over the course of the next few weeks, these conversations intensified along with his requests. These requests now include wanting to be on the birth certificate, wanting the child to have his surname, wanting me to meet his family. To involve him I even decided to have the child in Johannesburg and not in East London as I had initially planned. I am now 19 weeks pregnant and the disagreements have gotten worse to a point where we are fighting on text messages about this unborn child and him enforcing his "rights". These fights get so intense that I get cramps as the baby is in distress due to the stress levels and anxiety of our interactions. I need some legal assistance as we are not in a relationship - he is gay and I am a lesbian and one of the main reasons I chose a gay donor was because I did not want any baby daddy drama which I now find myself in. Something I had also expressed to him at the very beginning. He comes to the doctor visits and sends an occasional text or two in a month and that is all he does hence my frustration on demanding parental rights when he makes no other contributions to this pregnancy let alone financial. When I express this he lashes out on text and goes on defense mode. In our last text exchange he denied that we had a verbal donor agreement and he told me that while I'm pregnant there is nothing he can do apart from attending doctor visits, he is not interested in how I'm feeling and his participation in co-parenting will begin once the child is born. I feel bullied and I am concerned about the negative health effects of these interactions on my unborn child. My gut tells me he is gearing up for legal action. I want to be prepared, what are my rights in this matter, if any, at all?

Thank you.

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